I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
