I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
