My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
