Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
