Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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