I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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