I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
