no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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