My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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