No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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