Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
