Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
