you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
