16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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