Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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