hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
