and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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