In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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