I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
