Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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