Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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