Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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