He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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