Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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