First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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