I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
