We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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