So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
