i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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