My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
