On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
