Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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