We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
