my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
