watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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