She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this will be a night to untag.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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