I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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