Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
