Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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