Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
