Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
