it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
