I wish I could punch you in the face.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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