Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
