have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
