i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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