if i can run in heels then i can drive
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
