Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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