I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I intend to get homeless drunk
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
