Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
