can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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