I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
