I think I won the penis lottery.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
whose parrot is this?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
