Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
