Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
