Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
