I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
