he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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